Emotions are NORMAL.

Emotions and feelings are complicated and very very difficult.

We as people for some reason need to justify everything. This happened and now I’m angry, I’m sad because this happened but sometimes you find yourself having emotions that seem to come from nowhere. Particularly I’m talking about less positive emotions when you feel sad or lonely for no reason and you just can’t quite put your finger on why you feel this terrible way.

I think a lot of the time people are almost embarrassed by their feelings because they think they shouldn’t be feeling this way or that they don’t have the right to be feeling them, what they’re going through isn’t that bad or that other people are going through things that are worse and just overall that they’re not in the position to allow themselves to feel this way. Do you ever find yourself in a situation or you feel like talking to someone because you don’t feel good and you can’t because all you can say is I feel shitty and I don’t know why? But you can’t say that. That doesn’t make sense, right? Because no one ever talks about feeling this way even thought I think everyone feels this way a lot of the time. I feel like it’s almost just completely human nature to feel this way it’s like an inedible part of life. And what I’m describing a lot of people can point out and say oh that sounds like depression, but that’s another thing. That people often self-diagnose themselves because they feel a certain way or they have certain characteristics or traits that are commonly found in certain mental illnesses and they decide that they’re depressed or their friend is bipolar. Mental illness are debilitating…they are hell. There is nothing good in thinking that is what you have. I think we owe it to these people who suffer from these mental illnesses to not just toss out the words like they mean nothing. I think we all need to take a step back and realize that this is an illness and not just a feeling or an idea. They’re obviously people who really do suffer from depression and if you feel like you might be or there is something wrong and you want help then you should, by all means, seek help. Back to my point…I think a lot of people self-diagnose themselves because it is a way to justify their feelings. I must be feeling so down because I have depression. Like I said before…you don’t need to have an explanation for everything.

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We are humans! We have feelings.

We must feel them. Life is great…people are great…there is so much to be happy about. But there is also so much to be sad about and there is no reason to stop yourself from feeling sad. You can’t stop your emotions. You can’t stop your thoughts. So just feel them. Being ashamed of your feelings only enhances all the negative energy. You don’t need to find ways to force yourself out of a rutt. You don’t need to find excuses for how you feel. I get this wave of emptiness a lot. I feel sad and alone. If you were to ask me how I felt in that point of time I would say absolutely miserable. This is something that I deal with and I’ve dealt with for a really long time and from communicating from close friends I’ve come to believe that a lot of people feel this way or that they’ve experienced this way. It’s not really a topic people discuss so it’s hard to realize how common it actually is. Because we like to jump to conclusions and decide that people have certain illnesses and this and that it’s almost taboo to feel this way unless you have a way to justify it. We’re human! You’re supposed to have these emotions. Also, most of us are rising adults, teens, this is the most emotional roller coaster time of our entire lives. We all need to take a step back to understand that and know that a lot of people are feeling this way, around us. Also another quick side note sometimes we feel really strongly about certain situations that we don’t think we deserve to feel strongly about so very relatable examples like your weight or how your appearance or something that happened or didn’t happen with a SO or a crush. That you don’t have enough justification for your feelings with that person. All of these problems that people push away and say oh you shouldn’t feel that way about this or that, they sometimes cause problems like negative emotions. I would be more concerned if you didn’t feel anything than if you felt too much. We’re humans. We feel emotions! What is too much? I feel like a lot of people I meet are characters. they are their personality and that’s it and then you meet some people who are people and you see a bit of yourself in them and you see how they can think like you, feel like you etc. I think a lot of people have this superiority type thing. It’s complicated. I feel like we all need to understand that feeling like no-one else feels the way we do or feeling like we can’t share the way we feel because we can’t justify our feelings with other people only isolates us more and makes us feel even worse. Those relationships where you can talk about your emotions and breathe are really special.

 

We are human. It is normal to feel emotions!

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Best Friend

 

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“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” –Oprah Winfrey

To my pal,

People come into your life for a reason. Some become a blessing and some become a lesson. I’m grateful that you were a blessing. People have come and gone out of my life, but for some reason you never left. I’m glad you haven’t because you know way to much about me(Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing haha).

Thank you for being a true friend. For allowing me to play my ‘lit’ playlist in your car on full blast. Thank you for letting me rant. THANK YOU for not just telling me what I want to hear. And thank you for just being there when I needed someone. 

We have walked so far, laughed so hard(I can never let go of the time you fell off the turtle at the park), and cried a sea of tears together. It’s hard to put it into words just how much you mean to me, but I know my life wouldn’t be the same without you.

You taught me that friends never judge each other no matter what. You’ve tripped. I’ve tripped. We do embarrassing things sometimes. But we never judge each other…we do laugh hysterically at one another though.

I could write a book about the positive impact you have had on my life. You know me better than I know myself. You can tell when my confidence is lacking and you reassure me of myself. You always laugh at my corny puns no matter how dumb they might be. You believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. You listened to me late at night. But most importantly you never gave up on me and left me.

Thanks for being a great friend & I love ya!

“Only a true friend would be that truly honest.” –Shrek

It Does Get Better

What’s going on now is temporary. You’ll get happier and the things that have been going wrong will not result in permanent harm. It get’s better. Life’s hard…nobody said it was easy.

Stay with us. You are the only one who can accomplish the destiny that has been laid out for you.

I am living proof that it does get better.

I’ve been dealing with depression for quite some time now. I promise to you it DOES get better. You have to convince yourself that it does get better. Sometimes there will be days where you fall a few steps back. But that is okay! It is normal. Everyone slips.

BABY STEPS STILL MOVE YOU FORWARD!

Focus on yourself and do what makes YOU happy. You’ve gotta keep pushing forward and never give up.

Stand back up! Brush off the negativity and be STRONG.

You are loved. You are important. You are SO beautiful. You are worth it. You WILL get through this rough patch.

Leave the bad memories behind and have faith for a better tomorrow.

Chin up darling, it will soon feel like you can breathe again. ❤

——-

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-8255 (Open 24 hours everyday)

Poison Pals

“If there is a particular person in your life that is repeatedly choosing not to honor you and is causing you more sadness or pain than they are joy – it might be time to release that friendship back to God and trust that it is not where you belong.”
-Mandy Hale

Could your best friend actually be your worse enemy?

I use to be best friends with someone who was no good for me. It took me a handful of years to realize it and to also gain enough courage to walk out of her life for the best.

Months and months pass by to where my thoughts continued to grow about is it me? Is something wrong with me? Is this a normal friendship? I tried very hard to rationalize her behavior because I loved her like a sister. No matter how many times and what the reasons were I would always end up talking to her.

In the end, I was exhausted and fed up with her negativity. I finally after many years realized she was never going to change and that this is who she really is. Would a best friend really tell you to “kill your self”? But I would accept her back into my life because she was angry with someone else or something which had nothing to do with me. That is normal, right? No.

I still wonder “Why was she so angry at me?” or “What did I do to deserve to be told those harmful words?”. It would cross my mind day after day.

For a long time I was very angry and confused as to why this had happen. I would often fantasize about all the things I would say to her if she ever talked to me again. I’d imagine how lifting it would feel to really speak my mind. But I knew I shouldn’t. I knew I should never stoop that low even though she did the exact same thing to me.

I truly do wish her the best in all that she accomplishes in life.

“Toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you. Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you. There is an undeniable mind-body connection. Your arguments and hateful talk can land you in the emergency room or in the morgue. You were not meant to live in a fever of anxiety; screaming yourself hoarse in a frenzy of dreadful, panicked fight-or-flight that leaves you exhausted and numb with grief. You were not meant to live like animals tearing one another to shreds. Don’t turn your hair gray. Don’t carve a roadmap of pain into the sweet wrinkles on your face. Don’t lay in the quiet with your heart pounding like a trapped, frightened creature. For your own precious and beautiful life, and for those around you — seek help or get out before it is too late. This is your wake-up call!”

-Bryant McGill

 

 

 

 

I Need You Now! 

Dear Lord I need you now. I feel weak to my bones and my spirit is low. I feel nervous about future events that I have no control over, I am thinking over and over about incidents that have already occurred that I have no control over. I feel confused and stagnant regarding what type of employment I should pursue, although I thought I made my mind set. I really just don’t know what I want. I don’t want to let my parents down. I don’t want to waste their time. I don’t want to waste my time. I really don’t want my emotions to get the best of me because I have to focus on being and doing things that will help me to be on my own. I am very sensitive and emotional right now so it’s hard for me to focus. I need you to fill me with peace, strength, and the ability to focus! In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen!

Lost At Life 

Another day, another class missed, another alarm turned off. No motivation but to turn the pillow over to its colder side and lay there half asleep, unanswered questions gliding in and out of my mind.
This was how most of my mornings went in my last days of college. I had never been too motivated by the promise of college, even in high school, but it had always been set in my head that a college degree was my goal, my path to that elusive happiness we all crave.
It was my belief, and perhaps my parents’ as well, that I would head off to have the proverbial college experience and in the process I would become a veterinarian or some sort of government official. That I would just wake up one day and say, “Aha! I know what I want to do for the rest of my life!” But that morning epiphany never came.

All that happened was a continuous cycle of gaming at night time instead of getting a good nights rest, all night study sessions, followed by a complete and utter lack of fulfillment. So I stopped trying. I feel like I disappointed my parents, and it came with a deep sense of failure and confusion.

It was one of the most odd feeling times in my life simply because I realized that my life had been on autopilot.

Everything about my future was ambiguously assumed. I would get into debt by going to college, then I would be forced to get a job to pay off that debt, while still getting into more and more debt by buying a house and a car. It seemed like a never-ending cycle that had no place for the possibility of a dream.

I wanted more—but not necessarily in the material sense of personal wealth and success. I wanted more out of life. I wanted a passion, a conceptual dream that wouldn’t let me sleep out of pure excitement. I wanted to spring out of bed in the morning, rain or shine, and have that zest for life that seemed so intrinsic in early childhood.

We all have a dream. It might be explicitly defined or just a vague idea, but most of us are so stuck in the muck of insecurity and self-doubt that we just dismiss it as unrealistic or too difficult to pursue.

We become so comfortable with the life that has been planned out for us by our parents, teachers, traditions, and societal norms that we feel that it’s stupid and unsafe to risk losing it for the small hope of achieving something that is more fulfilling.

“The policy of being too cautious is the greatest risk of all.” ~Jawaharlal Nehru

Don’t take me wrong though; taking a risk is still a risk. We can, and will, fail. Possibly many, many, many times. But that is what makes it exciting for me. That uncertainty can be viewed negatively, or it can empower us.

Failing is what makes us grow, it makes us stronger and more resilient to the aspects of life we have no control over. The fear of failure, although, is what makes us afraid and sad. So even though I couldn’t see the future as clearly as before, I took the plunge in hopes that in the depths of fear and failure, I would come out feeling more alive than ever before.

And I did. It took some time and some unwanted introspection, but out of the loneliness of my emotions, I came out with a bright light of creativity and personal understanding.

I had always loved writing and telling stories, but the task of writing a book just seemed too daunting and cumbersome for a nineteen-year-old kid. So I began writing blogs, experimenting with my thoughts and emotions. And then I slowly began incorporating my emotions into writing my blogs.

My experience doesn’t entail that you should immediately stop attending school or quit your job.

What it does mean is that if you feel lost, just take a deep breath and realize that being lost can be turning point of finding out who you truly are and what you truly want to do.
I still struggle, I still feel lost at times. I’ve cried and I’ve felt embarrassed. I’ve felt like a failure and I’ve felt pity from others and from myself. But I’m at peace with myself more and more every day and now one day I’m hoping to get up in the morning with no help from an alarm.

I just fall asleep thinking about the people I hold close to my heart and my music, and that brings me more excitement than anything I could have ever imagined.

Life is amazing. I believe we’re here to find happiness, and when we do, to share it with everyone we meet. God bless. xoxo PChat

To: Graduates Of 2016

One day you’ll be taking your last school test and you’ll have your last fire drill and report card. One day you’ll have your last young and wild Friday night with the people you’ve made a million memories with. One day you’ll walk out of those doors for the last time. One day you’ll be standing in alphabetical ordered line in a cap and gown with people who you watched grow up. Who watched you grow up. A lot of those people you’ll never see or hear of ever again. One day you’ll forget about all the people you knew and you’ll barely remember the memories until you find a picture that reminds you of that one day. One day you’ll be packing your life away to move out. Slow down and stop wishing your life away. Make memories. I know you say you won’t miss it. But trust me..high school makes some of the best stories to tell. Some of which I shouldn’t tell with adults being near. Good luck class of 2016 and God bless.